“You like to think you are in control, but you are not. You are at the mercy of childhood conditioning, your mammalian brain, of relentless outside influences inflating your fears and strengthening the ego. The only control you really have is in letting go of it, in letting the loss and suffering, the abandonment, resentment, and the pain level you to the ground, so that you can find your heartbeat, reunite with your breath and be made innocent again and again and again.” -Amy Larson, amyjalapeno.com
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At birth under no choice of my own the decision was made for adoption, at 6 weeks old was adopted by a Non-First Nation family. At age 5 looking around at my family and asking “Why Am I Brown?” my adoptive Mom tried to explain it than at age 11 started my addictions and codependency. Now at age 41yrs of age am 8yrs sober from hard drugs, alcohol and cigarettes, and still struggle with codependency and the pain of being given up at birth. These feelings are trying to take over me and making me walk a fine line of keeping healthy boundaries with all around me to the point of isolating myself. I’ve experienced alot of pain from every abuse cycle and this issue is the most unbearable and makes me feel so low when the thoughts or trauma of it appear they take me into a whirlwind of emotional agony. Thank you for sharing this quote it is simple, simple, direct and one I relate to all to well.
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Your story is both heartbreaking and inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
I must apologize for my recent spotty presence on amyjalapeno.com. This past year I took on a job that requires significantly more hours than I was anticipating, thinning my time carved out for this website.
Thank you for reaching out and taking the time to share your story here. It reminds me I need to carve out patches in my week to keep posting.
*sending you love and gratitude*